Lemon & Ice

Update on schools

We have unfortunately had to change our kids' school from Pathways World School to American Embassy School.

When we started there , our son who has some distractibility issues, had a very sympathetic teacher who included him in the class in a very proactive manner. This resulted in him having a fairly gentle introduction to a new country. When he moved up a grade it appeared that his new teacher was not going to be able to provide similar support. Over an 8 month period, we tried in vain, to get the school administration and teacher/s concerned to make some commitment to helping him maintain better focus in the classroom. His work started to deteriorate and soon he completely stopped bringing homework, without any alarm or penalty from his teacher. There were also a few instances of bullying on the school bus which the school did not want to deal with and before I knew it he had stopped communicating with us at home. During this unhappy time, I heard of the possiblity of places being available at the American Embassy School in the boys' grade levels.

Long story short, we managed to get both the boys into AES. The Elementary school support team has, since March, been working to repair the backward slide that our son experienced at Pathways. He is now more communicative at home than he has ever been....sometimes its difficult to shut him up! The work in school is constantly monitored and he is learning to deliver better quality and quantity! Our other son has slipped seamlessly into AES, though he was flourishing at Pathways too.

Moving to India: Four Stages of Cultural Adjustment

The Stages of Cultural Adjustment

When moving from one "culture" to another, individuals pass through definite stages of cultural adjustment.  This adjustment is an ongoing process as demanded by each new situation. The following discussion is based on a four-stage model as identified by Gregory Trifonovitch:

The Honeymoon Stage

Characterized by exhilaration, anticipation and excitement, the person is fascinated with everything that is new. An individual in this stage will often demonstrate an eagerness to please, a spirit of cooperation, and an active interest as you speak. These individuals are delightful to work with and to work for, BUT, in their enthusiasm to please they frequently nod and smile to indicate that they understand, when in fact, they have not understood.

When their misunderstandings mount up, they are likely to experience the second stage of cultural adjustment.

My honeymoon with India lasted about three months! See these posts Hello again, hometown! Gurgaon: A vision of the future, Random meetings with old friends

The Hostility Stage

This stage is characterized by frustration, anger, anxiety, and sometimes depression. Following the initial excitement is frustration with the bureaucracy. Sleep patterns may be disrupted and the individual may suffer from indigestion and be unable to eat. Sometimes these individuals react to this frustration by rejecting the new or predominant environment in which they feel discomfort. The internal reasoning might be, "If I feel bad it's because of them," thus blaming the external environment for the bad feelings.  Some of these hostilities are translated into fits of anger over minor frustrations, excessive fear and worse, complete withdrawal.

Moving to India: Making peace with the system

Its been a while since I posted here. Its been a busy summer. Over the last year and a half, I am slowly morphing into a Mumbaikar from a New Yorker, although the transformation is not yet complete. Coming from NYC, where the city's  streets make for a giant playground for its residents, the transition to Mumbai is tough. Mumbai's streets are overcrowded, the traffic is gnarly and the noise levels put the Who's decibel records to shame everyday. Mumbai's chaos is such is that the only way to cope with it is to embrace it and go with the flow. The city guarantees nothing, yet miraculously delivers most times while following no rational process! My first few months in India were exciting and euphoric at times as I savored my new life, discovered great new restaurants and clubs every week and caught up with friends.

As I moved out of my five star hotel and shifted to a residential apartment and began the task of setting up shop here, I hit a wall. In the west, we profit from squeezing out inefficiencies and show our intolerance for ambiguity by devaluing any situation or process where the outcome is uncertain. In India, inertia and uncertainty is a way of life. I found it really difficult to get stuff done initially as I was so polite about follow-up. Finally, I realized that everyone is operating on fire-fighting mode and I need to create 'crises' if I wanted anything to happen on time!! I also developed a system to 'check, re-check and cross-check; to ensure my work is done on time and efficiently. I will write more on that in a separate post.

For now, I seem to have made peace with the system here. I question less and accept more. I have learnt to endorse the 'Hindu' way of accepting disasters: 'There must be some good that will come out of this'!! Also, I have taken my local doctor's advice to heart: 'If you want to live long in India, don't bother to try and achieve perfection'! He's right. I have found that if you can hit 80-85% of your desired target, you should be happy. The system is not designed to deliver anything above that. Breaking your head for an additional 5-10% will cost you more than it cost you to get to the first 80%!!

If you are planning a move here, it's worth reading  Gregory Trifonovitch's four stage theory of cultural adjustment, which is my next post.

Correction and apology!!

Hi everyone!!

My first experience in publishing only started a few months ago with this blog and now I have reached another publishing milestone...the retraction/correction and apology.

For those of you who are following this blog with an eye towards moving to India with school age children, I apologise for scaring you with the fees for the American Embassy School in New Delhi. The figure I previously quoted was an error made due to the fact that I was calculating fees for 2 children not one!! (To all my blonde girlfriends - you get a bad rap but we are all blonde at different times) The real fees for a year at this school, including the one-time registration fees and application fees, for Primary school is USD21,310. Exactly half of what I wrote before!!

I am really sorry about the confusion caused by this. I went back and did the calculations again after all the comments that post received.

On a happier note its now 2 days since team India won the T20 trophy and I am as proud of our Jharkhandi Dhoni as anyone else. It is truly amazing to think Ranchi produced him!! I'm convinced he snuck into Jamshedpur for most of that time!! ;-)

Between Tata Steel (No.5 in the world steel industry) and him there is a fantastic opportunity to cash in on the Celebrity fragrance trend with a Jharkhand flavour. Think of 'Steel No.5' along the lines of Chanel No.5 with a shirtless Dhoni smirking at the camera. Add some slo-mo splashing water/waterfall even Dushum Falls. I believe there is huge market, in Jharkhand at least!!

Enough joking, Hope the above clarification puts your minds to rest.

Take care.

Geet

The Joys of an Indian Monsoon

The Joys of an Indian Monsoon

Hello All!

I am back after a lengthy and hectic, travel-wise, hiatus from this blog. The 2 months of summer holidays allowed by the school to escape the Delhi heat is not quite sufficient as the heat doesn’t follow the same calendar!! Instead we returned to the Northern Monsoon, slightly lower than 45 Celsius temperatures but high humidity and a complete lack of breeze. The threat of rain gives you constant hope for some relief but doesn’t deliver very often. This is particularly true in the NCR, where the construction boom has added to the dust levels in an already dry region. A word of advise to those coming to live here…….if it rains steadily for 30 minutes don’t bother venturing out into the streets unless it is absolutely unavoidable. The lack of drainage on the roads turns them into canals of murky sludge, and you have no idea how deep the ruts are as previously level ground collapses into insufficiently filled areas where pipes etc. have been laid. I saw a number of 2-wheelers suddenly disappear till only their handles were visible, pedestrians stranded on the kerb/pavement unsure of where to step onto the roads. Cars don’t fare much better, with the occasional BMW and Merc looking woeful in their new personas of partial submarines alongside the local cheaper models.

Growing up in Jamshedpur, I have nostalgic memories of the monsoons. The perfume of fresh rain on parched earth and taking hour long walks through empty streets in balmy downpours. Most commuters had sheltered under trees and watched in disbelief as my sisters and I enacted our version of Singing in the Rain.

Moving to India - Gurgaon Perspective

My family and I have recently moved to Gurgaon in India. This is a return for me after 17 years away but the first time for the rest of my family, my kids being 10 and 8. To say that this has been challenging is an understatement. Despite the advantages of fluency in language and similarity in appearance to the locals I have discovered that I am not the same 'Indian' that I was. I have managed to train myself and my children to look past the immediate chaos, squalor and civic mayhem that passes for urban living in this part of India but I am still struggling with the feeling that the affluent people in our nation display an apathetic attitude to any sense of civic or social responsibility. Certainly I am amazed at the continuing feudal structure between the haves and have-nots but also within the struggling have-nots who seem to have unwritten rules about who will deign to do what. Having said all this, I could ramble on with no thought to giving any positive ideas for any one who might find this post useful in preparing to return to India.

Cost of Living: Banagalore (contributed by reader Paddy)

Lemon & Ice reader Paddy has provided estimate of the cost of living in Bangalore via a comment to this Cost of Living post. My thanks to Paddy and I would encourage others readers as well to share how they are budgeting for life in their respective cities:

Hi,

Living expenses in Bangalore is something I would like to share for the benefit of those planning a return. This will be the cost for a small to medium NRI trying to live a middle class life style. This is cost per month for a family of 2 Adults and upto 2 children:

Rentals 3 Bedroom apartment Rs.30000
This would include your maintenance, cable TV,maid working 2 hours per day, laundry and electricity , gas and water.

Delhi expat Blogger on Lemon & Ice

Lemon & Ice recently completed it's first year of existence. During this time, I have used this blog as a sounding board to express the highs and lows of my life in Mumbai. The feedback from the readers have been very encouraging and the blog's traffic has been rising primarily through word of mouth. I also noticed that the most popular posts have been those pertaining to my experiences in 'Moving to India'.Many of you have written to me with queries about kid's schooling, healthcare, as well as moving to cities like Delhi and Bangalore. As a single person, I am not qualified to answer family related queries. Hence, I have been decided to add a co-blogger who can add a family perspective on moving to a major city in India.Her name is Geet and she has recently re-located from Australia with her family. Geet and I are high school friends and we have stayed in touch over the years, often exchanging notes on how our lives had changed since our carefree teenage years. According to her, mine hasn't changed much as I am mentally stuck at 19! Geet has evolved from high-school rebel to an accomplished home-maker, wife and mother. I must admit she has done a far better job in adapting to Gurgaon than I have done with my move to Mumbai. I feel she can add a lot of value to this blog by sharing her thoughts here. After some persuasion, Geet agreed to join me as a co-blogger and she will start posting here soon.

Moving to India: Long Term Pay-Off vs. Current Reality

'As much as I can psyche myself into relocating after reading progress reports in the popular press, every monthly trip is consistently a buzz-killer when I'm physically there'. Writes Jay Gupta, a Lemon & Ice reader, who is seriously contemplating a move to India from the US to start a new venture. His position perfectly describes the dilemma faced by many overseas Indians seduced by the tantalizing opportunities in India's growth story. Today, a senior level posting in India is a 'no-brainer' for any aspiring corporate chieftain (especially those of Indian origin). The salaries in India at senior levels are just as good, the opportunity to spend time with family is a great sweetener and the chance to be in a position of influence in an emerging super-power (and one's homeland), all add up to an irresistible package. During exploratory trips to India, many expats stay in five star hotels where it's impossible to develop a sense of daily life in India as a resident. Besides, the perpetual self-congratulatory prose adopted by the Indian media can be quite misleading. When I moved here initially, I was staying at a five stat hotel in Mumbai and partying every night like a rock star. I'd wake up happily hung-over after a night of revelry and the first channel I'd hit on TV was CNBC. The anchorman was a sunny young fellow with a perpetually upbeat tone on the economy. He's what I would call a 'bull market broadcaster'. According to CNBC, every new days heralded a day of new milestones and possibilities that brought India closer to super-powerdom.

Moving to India: Reflections on my first year

I just finished my first year back in the motherland. Looking back, it feels like I have been back forever now. In fact, it feels I have been here so long that I may be ready to leave already! Just kidding!! It's too premature to take any firm conclusion about living here for good. I am still discovering India in bits and pieces by traveling to new locations on my free weekends.

My advice to anyone moving to India from the first world is to try and move to Singapore or Hong Kong on a Pan-Asia role first. Moving to India full time is a big transition and you may be under-estimating your tolerance for ambiguity and inefficiency if you have been away for a while. Singapore and HK are both a few hours away from India and you will have the opportunity to be close to the family and India geographically. If you have already made up your mind to move to India, try and avoid Mumbai if you can. Mumbai is the worst big city in India to live in. It's filthy, smelly, over-crowded and over-priced. In my book, Mumbai has a huge 'sell' rating! Delhi is better but you may find the locals a bit provincial unless you are a hard core North Indian.

I have found the best quality of life in India is in the smaller towns like Cochin and Jamshedpur, not in the big cities. The big cities are bursting at the seams and the infrastructure is just not able to cope up with the relentless expansion and population growth. There are millions of poor people in Mumbai who literally eat, sleep and live on pavements all over the city. As the big cities get saturated, high growth sectors like the IT and BPO sectors are migrating to smaller towns, triggering localized real estate bubbles in their wake. It's only a matter of time before the infrastructure in many small towns gets over-burdened as the government is not investing enough in power, water and transport sectors.

No matter where you go, I believe that the quality of life in India (from an infrastructure perspective) is going to get worse before it gets better.

My two pence on moving to India: Invest aggressively in India, but live elsewhere for the next decade. You should move here only if you are going to have an incredible opportunity to grow personally or career wise. Many Indians are returning home due to loneliness, isolation and other emotional reasons, which are all important but could potentially be mitigated by a few months sabbatical in the homeland.